Preparation

I'm a creature of habit, what can I say? I feel strangely nostalgic when I think about my other Blog . . . the one I have chosen to put down for now. Why is it that when God asks me to take a new step, I look for the closest bit of sameness and familiarity to cling to?

I spent this first day of this brand new year lounging around in my pajamas, looking through some of my old journals. After being up until 4am, we declared it a family laying around day.

Feeling the need to find a reference point of some kind, I thought that looking back might prove to be a good exercise. Six journals later and only a few years covered, I knew that I had only made a dent in my ten year faith journey. Going through the rest of my journals will take weeks. I wonder if God will have me continue to dig. The glace back today was well worth my time.

I took some time recording things about my walk with God that I had forgotten all about. People He had brought into my life, feelings I was experiencing and storms I was weathering. These past ten years have been no picnic. God has used this vessel very much like a pounded piece of clay, but I cherish every single loving stroke. Many of the happenings seemed so long ago, that I hardly recognized the girl on the page.

It didn't matter whether or not I was having a good or a bad day. Some months I found myself in the throws of intense Bible study, while others were more of a serving season. There have been memory verses, devotions, retreats, prayers and conversations with friends. Each one has played a part in the ups and downs of my faith - but God's message didn't come through one simple scenario on this cold wintry day.

There was something almost magical about the whole mix of things. Like a jumbled bowl of ingredients, having them all stirred in together meant one thing. God has been with me every single second . . . and I have lived with an acknowledgement of, and reverence for His presence for ten (almost eleven) wonderful years.

I said it to myself over and over again today, "He's always been there - always." You may be thinking, well, yes of course He has. But you have to understand something. I spent the first three quarters of my life without God. I lived a pretty dark and pathetic existence. That could be a blog in itself (a really depressing one at that).

But the past decade of my life has included close fellowship with Him. The contrast is breathtaking. This really does say a lot when I consider the ups and downs of what I have been through since I said "yes" all of those years ago. His presence has been constant, His love unfailing.

While I sat in contemplation today, I decided to take some time in preparation for this particular Blog. I hope to have all of the names chosen, a format in place as well as an angle with thoughts of an audience. Will I write for mothers, or lay people in the church? Will it be strictly devotional material, or will I want my readers to interact somehow?

Spending some time reading my journals today has revealed several different options. I have no plan of rushing into anything - but at the same time I don't want to drag my heels too long.

There is a huge part of me that wants to run back to the same ole' familiar way of blogging - no structure in place, just writing to write. Things appear to be so much safer that way. But as I have learned through walking with God, He does not lead us where it is safe. We are often times called to the front lines of the battlefield. It can be a pretty bloody fight, as souls are won for Jesus.

Whoever you are, wherever you are - I want you to know that God has put a deep love in my heart for you. What He has been brewing on the inside of me has been designed to speak encouragement and edification into your life.

Like true friendship that can only be earned, I hope to receive a measure of your trust and some honest criticism. My prayer is that God captures your heart, and that His attributes steal your affection.

It is with great humility and a solid knowing that He is with me that I begin this preparation.