Fear Check

I find myself drawn to the keyboard and blank screen at the end of each day. My posts have become a companion of sorts through the weeks. When I get the chance to sit and record my thoughts, God uses life's lessons to mold and shape me. The Holy Spirit pens the words, and my heart receives wonderful counsel.

Without having a format and plan in place for this blog yet, I struggle. I feel the need to spend hours in silent prayer and meditation . . . but with a job and a family being on top of the list, there really isn't a whole lot of time for dreaming.

I am playing around with a couple of ideas - to continue writing in a very casual and story like manner, putting the devotional (or whatever it will be called) together at a later time. The other idea is to begin with some kind of structure, and to write within those parameters. The first seems, well, messy and unpredictable - while the latter makes me feel so much more like I am in control. Hm mm . . . what could God be teaching me?

I have this tendency to put needless amounts of pressure on myself, all for the sake of "serving God." I am learning that He doesn't require half of the stuff I pile on. Lord, show me a perfect balance of what it means to move forward with this.

Let go of the fear.

I just heard His gentleness whispered in my spirit. Yes, this is my next step. What am I afraid of, you might wonder? Well, let's see. Here is a little indication of why I feel paralyzed.

I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of leaving a season of fruitful writing for a hair pulling mess of writer's block. I am afraid that no body will read any of this. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of success. I am afraid that I will miss the mark somehow . . . that I might miss His voice and my calling. I am afraid of failure.

If this project (and some other things God has called me to) are going to survive - I absolutely HAVE to get rid of the fear.

My Bible verse for the day is found in Matthew. I understand now why God brought it to me early this morning. Fear - I have allowed it to control my life for far too long. It has become an idol of sorts . . . Lord Jesus, please forgive me.

What would my writing, my ministry and the rest of my life be like if I chose not to live in fear? I know that things would look a whole lot different, especially on the inside. This is the story God wants written - this is why Jesus Christ died - to help me conquer every one of my fears.

So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. ~ Matthew 10:31

I may feel only worth about a half of a penny, but my God waits with bated breath for the first catch of wind.

This tiny and trembling sparrow . . . she's gonna soar.